


Red

by illcarryyouhome



Category: Black Widow (Comics), The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Hurt Natasha Romanov, Natasha Romanov Has Issues, Natasha Romanov Needs a Hug
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-27
Updated: 2020-01-27
Packaged: 2021-02-25 12:01:50
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,640
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22431979
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/illcarryyouhome/pseuds/illcarryyouhome
Summary: Red was her hair,A distinguishing trait,No matter how vapid she became.It endured,Glowing
Comments: 1
Kudos: 29





	Red

Red was her hair,  
A distinguishing trait,  
No matter how lost she became  
It endured,

Glowing

Glowing like a flame,  
Red was the fire,  
Eating at the windows,  
The smoke staining her throat,  
Her eyes,  
Her heart,  
Painted,  
Red took her toys, her books,  
Mama and Papa,  
and brought the bad men

Red took childhood,  
The room,  
The doctors,  
Watching blood seep from cuts,  
Soaking the sheet,  
Red filled the pointe shoes,  
The symphonies,  
Pointed toes, raised elbows, rotated knees,

Red was the torture,  
Silver cuffs penetrating the wrist,  
Fighting for air while submerged,  
Blue fingers and shivers against pearly snow,  
Sharp nails and whips,  
tearing the skin,  
Red was heavy,  
But little girls are light,  
Most get crushed

Red was in the deaths,  
Their numbers dwindled,  
Twenty,  
Then fourteen,  
Seven,  
Three,  
Then there was only one.  
She was the lone survivor,  
Her hands stained

Red took innocence,  
She stopped being a child a long time ago,

She was the only survivor,  
The only Black Widow,

Red was in the deaths

Only this time they were all hers

Her ledger grew,  
She asked no questions,  
She felt nothing but pain, nothing at all,

Red dripped from bullets,  
Knives and burns,  
Missions were completed,  
No matter the cost

Red dripped from her wrists,  
Her thighs,  
Behind her knee,  
Scarlet cuts from her knife,

There was a man  
Dressed in black  
He followed her for seven days  
A shadow  
But she was all knowing  
Shadows stand out in light  
She let him follow  
His bow meant she would die  
Maybe death wasn’t so bad

Her knife hit something vital  
The blood wouldn’t stop  
Nothing was stopping  
The red was too much  
She was drowning  
She couldn’t see  
She couldn’t breathe  
It was all too much  
But also, nothing at all  
She was so sad  
Nothing was right

Monster

She was a monster  
Everything was too fast  
Too fast to see  
To think  
It needs to end  
Everything was spinning  
Someone was nearby  
A fuzzy outline  
She focused her vision  
The shadow  
An arrow pointed at her heart  
This could be it  
The end

He wasn’t shooting  
Their gazes connected

"Do it"

He blinked

"Do it  
What are you waiting for"

She wanted it to be over

He was still staring  
But not at her eyes  
He was looking lower

"You’re bleeding"

Yes  
She was  
Everything was bleeding  
Because everything was red

She took a step back  
They were on a roof

She took a step back  
"Wait, what are you doing?"

She was falling

She watched the shadow disappear

It got smaller  
Smaller

But then it was growing  
Expanding  
Why was it growing?

Suddenly she was being tackled mid-air  
A hook snapped to her belt  
A strong hand gripping her back

The falling had stopped  
She looked up

"Let me go"

"No"

Everything was black

She blinked  
She was in a dimly lit motel  
The shadow was there  
White bandages swathed her wrist  
He was watching her  
She stared back

"You should join Shield  
Stop running"

She stared

"It would be a new start  
A clean slate"

"My ledger is red"

He paused

"Maybe you can change that"

She was interrogated for days  
Fury was very suspicious  
She understood

her memories spilled open,  
The crimes committed,  
a brief history of childhood and adolescence,  
Red echoes of her life imprinted on to her file

Red streaked her skin,  
Medical was concerned,  
Self-harm was not a good look on agents,  
She refused a counselor,  
Clint helped,  
He said what she needed to hear,  
Harsh and gentle,  
Eventually the streaks faded to scars,  
Still red, but less

Red was in the reports,  
Apparently, her mental health was concerning,  
Traumatic experiences,  
She blocked it out,  
"I’m fine"  
Reluctantly they believed her

Clint was red,  
But in a different way,  
His hands were not stained,  
His life was not stained,

He understood, but there were things even he would not know,  
There were things no one would ever know

They went on missions,  
Death came to people who deserved it,  
Then again,  
Didn’t she?

Red was in the nightmares,  
The room  
the girls  
the fire  
the ledger  
drowning  
screaming  
tears,  
Clint was shaken,  
but he held her close while she soaked his shirt with tears,

Red was in iron man,  
Just a fact,  
The fucking suit was bright red,

Red was also in Tony Stark,  
He had killed,  
His weapons had killed,  
But now he was being killed,  
And he was going to let it happen,  
She knew how it felt,

Red lipstick,  
Low cut top,  
Curled hair,  
He was starstruck,

Red was not in Natalie Rushman,  
She was innocent,  
And highly qualified  
She was instantly hired

He was self-destructing,  
Black veins stretching from his heart,  
He was lost,  
She understood that too

"I’d do whatever I wanted to do  
With whoever I wanted to do it with"

It’s the truth

She leaves Natalie behind,  
He doesn’t trust her anymore,  
He’s caught a glimpse of the red,

Loki comes cloaked in blue  
He takes Clint,  
Turns his eyes into a misty ocean

She meets Bruce Banner,  
Steve Rogers,  
Thor Odinson,  
Tony comes back in black,

She breaks the god of mischief,  
Arrogance is a weakness of many,  
But he pierces her,

The hospital fire  
Drakov’s daughter

An identity long gone but never forgotten,

Blood drips from the words,  
The memories,

"I’ve been compromised"

Red is in the panic,  
Her surroundings disappear,  
She is back in the room,  
She is being hurt,  
There is red everywhere,  
On every surface,  
She is drowning again,  
She can’t see,  
She can’t breathe,

Clint speaks to her slowly,  
He presses an icepack to the back of her neck,  
The red slowly dissipates,

The team was shaken,  
They are not used to panic attacks,  
Neither is she  
"I’ve been compromised"

Red is in HYDRA,  
And HYDRA is in SHIELD,

Red is in her file,  
Now displayed for the whole world to see,  
Red smeared across the internet,  
Now everyone knows,  
She can’t block it out,

The streaks of red on her wrists return,  
There is no one around to notice

The scarlet wisps warp her mind,  
Her nightmares are her reality,  
She is back in the room,  
Red is on everything she sees,  
Everything she touches,  
Everything she hears,

"I have no place in the world"

Red is in the hulk,  
His past is splattered,  
His eyes now warped by the girl

Bruce was different,  
  
He understood the pain of guilt,  
The victims,  
She thought they could be together,  
She though he would understand,  
In the end he left,  
They saved the world,  
and he left,  
She doesn’t blame him,  
She’s not one for feelings,

Red is the nightmares,  
She screams her throat raw,  
Tears flow from her eyes,  
Everything was red

Sam wakes her up in the middle of the night,

She can't stop shaking

She does not blame her,  
Wanda,  
She was just a girl,  
Frightened and powerful,  
She knew the pain,  
Sharp like fire

Red was in fire,  
Burning Rumlow to ash,  
Splintering through the side of a building,  
Ledgers filled with civilian casualties

Red was in the bomb,  
The black panther,  
Another streak on her ledger,  
Another line on her wrist,

Tony notices but doesn't say a word,

just tapes it up and kisses her on the forehead,

"It must be hard to shake the whole double agent thing, huh? It sticks in the dna"

It stung,  
She was only trying to do what was right,  
Red grew with every casualty,  
Tony knew that,  
She knew that,  
Steve knew they protected people.  
She knew that too,  
But she wanted the team to stay together,  
The world needed them,  
But they were hurting each other,

Red and gold,  
Red white and blue,  
They clashed,  
The winter soldier had his hands stained,  
Tony saw with his own eyes,  
Red was all he saw,  
Anger can make someone do the unthinkable

Red was in the shadows,  
She needed to stay off the grid,  
Her hair was platinum,  
She was hiding from,  
She was alone again,  
Red was in the nightmares,  
Steve shook her awake when he found her sobbing,

Thanos was blinded by red,  
He saw it as a solution,  
They tried their best,  
But the team was fractured all over the galaxy,  
The end was silent,  
Dust swaying in the wind

Red was in the failure,  
She tried to fix it,  
They all did,  
But stones were gone,  
They had lost,  
The team faded out,  
and the red seeped in

Red was in the nightmares,  
The panic attacks,  
There was no one around to see,  
To help,  
Red covered her limbs,  
Her knife,  
She didn’t even bother to wash it,

The team was worried,  
But there was nothing they could do,  
They were too lost on their own,

They had a plan,  
Get the stones,  
They could do this,  
They could bring everyone back

"See you in a minute"

Red was in the man,  
The skull,  
The landscape a twilight purple

A soul for a soul  
One must sacrifice that which you love

Love,  
Love was red,  
But in a very different way than what she was used to,  
Clint loved her,  
And she him

He could not die,  
He had a family,  
He had a life,  
She was damaged,  
She could be sacrificed,  
She was willing,  
It had to be her,  
Everyone needed to come back,  
Sam, Wanda, Laura, Lila, Nathaniel, Cooper,  
Everyone

"Whatever it takes"

They fought,  
Red scrapes from the sandy cliff,

He jumped,  
She jumped,  
A hook snapped to his belt,  
He grabbed her wrist,  
Tight,

It stung

"Let me go"

It was hauntingly familiar

"No"

He was crying

"its okay"

She fell

Everything in her life had been red  
The fire, the room, the nightmares, the ledger  
But her end,  
Her sacrifice,

It was pure white


End file.
